clauclauclaudia | dear Harry Potter pornographers

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dear Harry Potter pornographers

... and other fanfic writers. And other pornographers. You know who you are, and you're probably not reading this. (Nobody take this personally. Every one of these I found in more than one place by more than one writer.)

I have conducted an... ahem... careful study of a broad swath of fanfic over the last several weeks, and here are some pairs of words I would like you to be sure you know the difference between.

discreet, discrete: You almost always mean "discreet". Secret? Discreet.
palate, palette: The first is the one in someone's mouth. Google doesn't actually back me up on this one, but I know it to be so. Is this a British/American English distinction I was previously unaware of? Please advise.
prone, supine: Just look it up. No more bizarre sexual positions because you flipped one of the characters over, thank you.
compliment, complement: I think this is perhaps the trickiest one on my list. Flattery? A compliment. But a shirt that flatters you may complement your eyes, meaning perfecting your look. Careful!
principle, principal: Morals are principles. The main something is the principal something.
illicit, elicit: Is it sekrit and naughty? Use the first one. Is it a verb? Use the second one.

Oh, just look it up:

taut, taunt
breath, breathe
loath, loathe
baring, barring
bound, bond

The phrase is just deserts, unless you're actively punning at the time. It does sound like "desserts", but that's because it's not the sandy "deserts", it's "deserts" derived from "deserve".
dominate, dominant: I don't even understand where this comes from, but it's really common. Dominate is a verb. Dominant is an adjective or noun. There is no such thing as "the dominate" in a scene or relationship. No really.

And please, for the love of all that is holy or unholy, learn the difference between
prostate, prostrate: The fun thing for men having anal sex? Only one "r".

Thank yew.

EDIT: tongue tongue tongue Accept no substitutes. (courtesy of

kjc007)
baited/bated: Breath is bated. Traps are baited.
rein/reign: Oh, where to begin. Horses are controlled with reins. Kings reign. The idiom is rein in your emotions. No really. (these two pairs courtesy of

calanthe_fics)

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I thought it must be, but I was astounded: soft palette gets many more hits than soft palate. Enclose the search terms in quotes and you get the expected distribution, though.

That's hilarious. I don't think I've encountered that one, but I don't seek out spanking stories particularly (I have other favored kinks).

Yet I do it all the time. And I can spell. And I know the meaning of both versions.

Must be a mental block of some sort.

and this, this is why i love you.

YOU ARE MY FAVORITE PEDANTIC GRAMMAR-FIEND.

This librarian advises one never to pour over a book.

I've got another one (I'm on fire, baby).

summary/summery.

Fucking amazing how many times you see this. I never, ever click on fics that can't even get the word 'summary' right.

peek/pique/peak

Nipples may peak.
Unless the nipples are "peeking through her blouse" they generally don't peek.
Nipples do *not* pique.

A fic writer whose mailing list I'm on sent out a cookie with "Hermione asked Ron discretely how Harry was doing" or some such nonsense and insisted that it wasn't an error because she meant that she did it when they were apart. I sent her email to say that no, it doesn't work that way, but she put it in the final fic that way, too. Rgh.

the second comma kills the joke.

Doh. You're right, of course. My plea: I was so traumatized by the example of atrocity I'd just typed that I couldn't stand to leave the title uncorrected.

And after I went to the trouble of looking it up for linkage, even. *sigh*

As for "baited breath" -- cats have that. Distinctly baited. But it doesn't really fit well with descriptions of sensual hedonism, I'll grant you that. :)

*strangled cry of anguish*
*nodnod* That one put me off fanfic for years. I don't like being made to feel I'm spying on the sexual fantasies of grammar-school children.

Augh -- and I hate stumbling across a character having a "fit of peek".

Good one.

..although I did once stumble across a character wearing a "summary dress". Giggles all 'round.

You meant to say that kings reign, right?

Pssst -- double-check what kings do.

I almost never use the phrase "just deserts," but I'll admit to thinking it was spelled the other way. It's rare that I learn something from grammar pedantry, so thanks!

One would think that writing fanfic would improve a person's writing. Alas, it seems not to be true.

My strategy is to read and write only in a fandon where most of the writers are *adults*. (Bujold) But I have to say, whenever I have peeked elsewhere, I am reminded of why I am no longer a college professor.

And I always say to myself, "tong-you," in order to get this right.

Oh, wow, that's particularly bad.

This is an indication of one of the problems with the way schools teach children new vocabulary words (by having them memorize two or three synonyms for each word). The kids generally assume that the word is completely interchangeable with each of the synonyms.

..although I did once stumble across a character wearing a "summary dress".

So that's a ... mini skirt, then? Or perhaps something even more brief. I could, err, get behind that.

You know what gets me? Here I am, working at a college, and having nary a degree to my name, and, yet, when I read emails sent to the campus wide email list from professors with doctorates and such, I am always saying to my co-worker, "Damnit, how can these people get degrees and yet be so stupid?"

Gah. Ahem.

I do have copies of The King Who Rained and
A Little Pigeon Toad, by Fred Gwynne.

So. That's what you've been doing with your free time.

Anyway, this has been a heck of a funny thread here, though the "nipples don't pique" thing struck me as a challenge.

"...and her nipples piqued. No, I mean it. They got all snooty and started ignoring me.

'So,' I said, attempting to raise an eyebrow, 'do your body parts often have their own emotional reactions to things.'

'Sometimes,' she told me with an embarassed chuckle and a hike of her shirt, 'my toes especially do not like Rochmonanoff.'

'I gotta find a new story.'"

Al.

I suppose the train has already left on "loose/lose" ? That one makes me bonky.

'Dominate' misused bothers me too, but it stopped baffling me so much when I realized people probably had in mind (if unconsciously) the family of words that includes accurate, celibate, delicate, literate, private...

Er, assuming the faulty adjective 'dominate' is pronounced to rhyme with those, as a mis-hearing of 'dominant'. If the people who spell it that way think it's pronounced the same as the verb, I don't know what's wrong with them.

I have a friend who keeps insisting that "campaign" is spelled "campeign." I just don't understand - he got the "g" right! Where did the "e" come from??

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