clauclauclaudia | dear Harry Potter pornographers

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dear Harry Potter pornographers

... and other fanfic writers. And other pornographers. You know who you are, and you're probably not reading this. (Nobody take this personally. Every one of these I found in more than one place by more than one writer.)

I have conducted an... ahem... careful study of a broad swath of fanfic over the last several weeks, and here are some pairs of words I would like you to be sure you know the difference between.

discreet, discrete: You almost always mean "discreet". Secret? Discreet.
palate, palette: The first is the one in someone's mouth. Google doesn't actually back me up on this one, but I know it to be so. Is this a British/American English distinction I was previously unaware of? Please advise.
prone, supine: Just look it up. No more bizarre sexual positions because you flipped one of the characters over, thank you.
compliment, complement: I think this is perhaps the trickiest one on my list. Flattery? A compliment. But a shirt that flatters you may complement your eyes, meaning perfecting your look. Careful!
principle, principal: Morals are principles. The main something is the principal something.
illicit, elicit: Is it sekrit and naughty? Use the first one. Is it a verb? Use the second one.

Oh, just look it up:

taut, taunt
breath, breathe
loath, loathe
baring, barring
bound, bond

The phrase is just deserts, unless you're actively punning at the time. It does sound like "desserts", but that's because it's not the sandy "deserts", it's "deserts" derived from "deserve".
dominate, dominant: I don't even understand where this comes from, but it's really common. Dominate is a verb. Dominant is an adjective or noun. There is no such thing as "the dominate" in a scene or relationship. No really.

And please, for the love of all that is holy or unholy, learn the difference between
prostate, prostrate: The fun thing for men having anal sex? Only one "r".

Thank yew.

EDIT: tongue tongue tongue Accept no substitutes. (courtesy of

kjc007)
baited/bated: Breath is bated. Traps are baited.
rein/reign: Oh, where to begin. Horses are controlled with reins. Kings reign. The idiom is rein in your emotions. No really. (these two pairs courtesy of

calanthe_fics)

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hee hee hee hee... alas, so right.

(Note: You might want to double-check your principle/principal line.)

http://www.amazon.com/Grammar-Snobs-Great-Big-Meanies/dp/0143036831/ref=sr_11_1/002-7631921-1349613?ie=UTF8

It *is* important to know that spell checking your work is not enough (though It is a good start).

I think you there should be illustrative cartoons, especially for the last example.

I'd just like to add, TONGUE. T O N G U E. The big pink thing in your mouth for tasting and other fun things.

Not tounge, nor tonge, nor any other painful mangling of the poor organ. TONGUE. I know it looks stupid, but when it's wrong it's very distracting.

OH GOD OH YES OH YES OH GOD OH YES.

I don't think "palatte" is a word. If you're talking about something an artist uses, it's "palette". If you're talking about a flat thing made of wood, to which goods are fastened for shipping and easy manipulation with a forklift, that's "pallet".

THANK YOU.

*laugh* Have you ever read Anguished English?

*sigh*

This is actually oe of the main things that keeps me from enjoying fandom smut. It's really hard to stay in the story when every sentence or two you trip over an absurdity like "whose you're Daddy?"

It's/its. There/their/they're. Whose/who's. You're/your. Breath/breathe and bath/bathe. And heaven help me, if I have to read about the "affect" of a character's actions one more time I'm going to throw a psych text at somebody.

Have you ever read Eats, Shoots, and Leaves?

I shall throw rose petals beneath your feet.

Have you read the delightful pair of essays by Sarah Bunting on exactly this subject? Actually, the second isn't an essay as much as it is a list of common screwups, but I still love it.

First, I love the icon. You managed to pack a lot into it.

Second, when I see "The Dominate," I think of the late Roman empire, after the Principate.

You missed my top 2 (i.e. - the ones I always get wrong):

baited/bated

rein/reign

I am a fuck up.

For the record, the palate / palette distinction is the same in British English as in your funny version.

I always say "If they go/fit/work together, it's complement".

One of my favorites was in spanking stories, where someone is spanked until "balling uncontrollably", which I suppose could mean getting into a fetal position uncontrollably, but brings to mind sudden, uncontrolled sexual intercourse.

and this, this is why i love you.

YOU ARE MY FAVORITE PEDANTIC GRAMMAR-FIEND.

This librarian advises one never to pour over a book.

I've got another one (I'm on fire, baby).

summary/summery.

Fucking amazing how many times you see this. I never, ever click on fics that can't even get the word 'summary' right.

peek/pique/peak

Nipples may peak.
Unless the nipples are "peeking through her blouse" they generally don't peek.
Nipples do *not* pique.

A fic writer whose mailing list I'm on sent out a cookie with "Hermione asked Ron discretely how Harry was doing" or some such nonsense and insisted that it wasn't an error because she meant that she did it when they were apart. I sent her email to say that no, it doesn't work that way, but she put it in the final fic that way, too. Rgh.

I almost never use the phrase "just deserts," but I'll admit to thinking it was spelled the other way. It's rare that I learn something from grammar pedantry, so thanks!

One would think that writing fanfic would improve a person's writing. Alas, it seems not to be true.

My strategy is to read and write only in a fandon where most of the writers are *adults*. (Bujold) But I have to say, whenever I have peeked elsewhere, I am reminded of why I am no longer a college professor.

So. That's what you've been doing with your free time.

Anyway, this has been a heck of a funny thread here, though the "nipples don't pique" thing struck me as a challenge.

"...and her nipples piqued. No, I mean it. They got all snooty and started ignoring me.

'So,' I said, attempting to raise an eyebrow, 'do your body parts often have their own emotional reactions to things.'

'Sometimes,' she told me with an embarassed chuckle and a hike of her shirt, 'my toes especially do not like Rochmonanoff.'

'I gotta find a new story.'"

Al.

I suppose the train has already left on "loose/lose" ? That one makes me bonky.

'Dominate' misused bothers me too, but it stopped baffling me so much when I realized people probably had in mind (if unconsciously) the family of words that includes accurate, celibate, delicate, literate, private...

Er, assuming the faulty adjective 'dominate' is pronounced to rhyme with those, as a mis-hearing of 'dominant'. If the people who spell it that way think it's pronounced the same as the verb, I don't know what's wrong with them.

I have a friend who keeps insisting that "campaign" is spelled "campeign." I just don't understand - he got the "g" right! Where did the "e" come from??

the lose/loose thing drives me batty, personally. ;)

though i see now i am not the first person to mention it to you.
well, i may not be terribly original or fast, but it still drive me batty. :)

And I cannot 'bare' when a writer talks about her undressed characters who are 'bear naked' It's enough to make one 'loose' 'they're' mind!!

For Heaven's sake, already!

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