clauclauclaudia | dear Harry Potter pornographers

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dear Harry Potter pornographers

... and other fanfic writers. And other pornographers. You know who you are, and you're probably not reading this. (Nobody take this personally. Every one of these I found in more than one place by more than one writer.)

I have conducted an... ahem... careful study of a broad swath of fanfic over the last several weeks, and here are some pairs of words I would like you to be sure you know the difference between.

discreet, discrete: You almost always mean "discreet". Secret? Discreet.
palate, palette: The first is the one in someone's mouth. Google doesn't actually back me up on this one, but I know it to be so. Is this a British/American English distinction I was previously unaware of? Please advise.
prone, supine: Just look it up. No more bizarre sexual positions because you flipped one of the characters over, thank you.
compliment, complement: I think this is perhaps the trickiest one on my list. Flattery? A compliment. But a shirt that flatters you may complement your eyes, meaning perfecting your look. Careful!
principle, principal: Morals are principles. The main something is the principal something.
illicit, elicit: Is it sekrit and naughty? Use the first one. Is it a verb? Use the second one.

Oh, just look it up:

taut, taunt
breath, breathe
loath, loathe
baring, barring
bound, bond

The phrase is just deserts, unless you're actively punning at the time. It does sound like "desserts", but that's because it's not the sandy "deserts", it's "deserts" derived from "deserve".
dominate, dominant: I don't even understand where this comes from, but it's really common. Dominate is a verb. Dominant is an adjective or noun. There is no such thing as "the dominate" in a scene or relationship. No really.

And please, for the love of all that is holy or unholy, learn the difference between
prostate, prostrate: The fun thing for men having anal sex? Only one "r".

Thank yew.

EDIT: tongue tongue tongue Accept no substitutes. (courtesy of

kjc007)
baited/bated: Breath is bated. Traps are baited.
rein/reign: Oh, where to begin. Horses are controlled with reins. Kings reign. The idiom is rein in your emotions. No really. (these two pairs courtesy of

calanthe_fics)

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hee hee hee hee... alas, so right.

(Note: You might want to double-check your principle/principal line.)

It is karmically inevitable that any correction of spelling errors will itself contain a spelling error. Thanks.

It is karmically inevitable that any correction of spelling errors will itself contain a spelling error.

I feel your pain. The main reason I gave up on being a one-woman Internet Spelling and Grammar Police was that I got so very tired of the humiliation inevitably brought down upon me by the Gawdz of Irony.

http://www.amazon.com/Grammar-Snobs-Great-Big-Meanies/dp/0143036831/ref=sr_11_1/002-7631921-1349613?ie=UTF8

It *is* important to know that spell checking your work is not enough (though It is a good start).

I think you there should be illustrative cartoons, especially for the last example.

http://www.amazon.com/Grammar-Snobs-Great-Big-Meanies/dp/0143036831/

Yay!

I think you there should be illustrative cartoons, especially for the last example.

If anyone generates illustrations for any part of this, I'll be glad to include 'em!

I'd just like to add, TONGUE. T O N G U E. The big pink thing in your mouth for tasting and other fun things.

Not tounge, nor tonge, nor any other painful mangling of the poor organ. TONGUE. I know it looks stupid, but when it's wrong it's very distracting.

OH GOD OH YES OH YES OH GOD OH YES.

I don't think "palatte" is a word. If you're talking about something an artist uses, it's "palette". If you're talking about a flat thing made of wood, to which goods are fastened for shipping and easy manipulation with a forklift, that's "pallet".

*grumble* See above regarding karma. Thanks.

Quoting you!

THANK YOU.

You are oh so very welcome.

*laugh* Have you ever read Anguished English?

*sigh*

This is actually oe of the main things that keeps me from enjoying fandom smut. It's really hard to stay in the story when every sentence or two you trip over an absurdity like "whose you're Daddy?"

It's/its. There/their/they're. Whose/who's. You're/your. Breath/breathe and bath/bathe. And heaven help me, if I have to read about the "affect" of a character's actions one more time I'm going to throw a psych text at somebody.

Have you ever read Eats, Shoots, and Leaves?

Yes! I *heart* Richard Lederer!

Eats, Shoots & Leaves -- the second comma kills the joke. ;-)

Only bits of it, it was too much preaching to the choir for me to read the whole thing.

The misuse of "affect" is a pet peeve of mine but so far I've only actually encountered it once in fanfic so I didn't include it here. But yes.

"whose you're Daddy?"
*strangled cry of anguish*

I shall throw rose petals beneath your feet.

Have you read the delightful pair of essays by Sarah Bunting on exactly this subject? Actually, the second isn't an essay as much as it is a list of common screwups, but I still love it.

Ah, Tomato Nation. I have not read those particular essays, but I can imagine.

First, I love the icon. You managed to pack a lot into it.

Second, when I see "The Dominate," I think of the late Roman empire, after the Principate.

Heh, thanks. I didn't make it; I created very few of my icons. I credit them all on my userpics page, which seems to be the standard LJ etiquette for using other people's icons. That one's by

Ah, I see. Well, kudos to her then. And to you for using it.

You missed my top 2 (i.e. - the ones I always get wrong):

baited/bated

rein/reign

I am a fuck up.

For the record, the palate / palette distinction is the same in British English as in your funny version.

I always say "If they go/fit/work together, it's complement".

One of my favorites was in spanking stories, where someone is spanked until "balling uncontrollably", which I suppose could mean getting into a fetal position uncontrollably, but brings to mind sudden, uncontrolled sexual intercourse.

If anyone ever turned out a perfect piece of work, the gods would strike them down. At least, that's what the Celts believed about knotwork...

Yesh! Added them in. rein/reign drives me batty.

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